The holidays are a joyful but stressful time of year, especially for families of all kinds. But for dysfunctional families, the tension is at an all-time high. Many people, especially children, feel trapped in this stressful environment. I remember feeling like I was singled out during family holidays, especially with a birthday so close to Thanksgiving. But nobody really is alone, there’s always at least one person who cares about you for who you are inside. I learned a few ways to cope while I grew up in my dramatic family, and I hope these coping strategies could help you or someone you care about who’s struggling in a similar situation.

Set Boundaries

Setting boundaries doesn’t mean you don’t love your family, draw a line in the sand of what is and isn’t okay to talk about is a major key in having healthy relationships. Not everyone may respect those boundaries, but that doesn’t give them the right to say whatever they want. Try talking with a trusted friend or family member about what boundaries you need to set when the rest of the family comes over. Fight to keep those boundaries in check so that nobody’s feelings, especially yours, aren’t hurt.

Take Breaks

Not everyone has a high functioning social battery, and it’s okay to walk away and recharge for a while. It’s not rude, it’s necessary to avoid burnout from too much unwanted socializing. Walking away to your room, the bathroom, or any other secluded area in the house isn’t “hiding from your family”, it’s perfectly fine to take a few minutes for yourself to freshen up or clear your head.

Avoid Conflict 

Some people just want to argue for the thrill of it. You don’t have to take the bait of someone fishing for an argument. Disengaging is acceptable and a good thing to do. Why waste your time and breath on someone who doesn’t want to listen? Holding your silence is also a boundary you can exercise if needed. Try focusing on positive communication, the family pet, some apple pie, anything that resolves the urge to argue with someone who just wants to be unreasonable.

Ask For Support

Whether in person or virtual, check in with somebody before, after, and whenever you’re feeling overwhelmed. A call, text, or just being there with someone who understands what you’re dealing with can go a long way. The world may seem against you all the time, but it becomes much more manageable when you have someone fighting by your side. Even if you don’t think anyone understands you or could help you feel better, there’s always someone who’s going through something similar who just gets it.

I know the holidays are a scary time of year; we all have our struggles during this time. If you feel like you don’t have anyone else to turn to in your hour of need, I hope I can be a source of comforting light to you, just by publishing my word to the public. Come have a slice of warm apple pie at my table, where no one is forgotten or left out.